Read. Write. Repeat. Aspire to be a Janitor.
You’re taking a walk along your neighborhood’s greenway. The playful birds are calling out for mates; the frisky squirrel clings nonchalantly to the nearby oak’s bark. The local clown watches your every step with voracious curiosity and a morning dove humbly squats on an elevated limb.
It is Saturday night and you are at the swankiest dance club down the street from your local state-school. At the bar stand two ladies who bribed the doorman to let them enter. A speed-fiend disc jockey is grooving to his own slapped-together remixed beat. In the middle of the dance floor stands a pale dumpster-diver yelling about patriarchy, hierarchy, and the return to “a well-ordered society fit for our grandchildren,” while Katherine ‘gets it on’ with Devin in the adjacent bathroom.
In both these scenarios, there is one misplaced item.
…or if you will, “one of these things is not like the other.”
In a time when flat-earth theories are entertained, seals are confused for the Loch Ness Monster, Obama is believed to be American, and people still doubt that we went to the moon, it only makes sense that the support for a rise in traditional ideologies are directly correlated to the appearance of lonely clowns looking for a friend.
While mainly misunderstood, clowns usually offer no significant threat to the public. Folklore and urban legends offer a veritable plethora of common misperceptions attributed to the average nurturing clown. But if the immortal and beloved Bozo is to be believed, “HONK.”
The sexually frustrated, neo-fascist is likewise misrepresented as actually intelligent, caring, and a closet liberal. They are strangely hell-bent on having everyone submit to someone else, but will choose the lowest rung of society.
If the peripheral visionary, Steven Wright, is to be believed when he said, “I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car,” it can only be assumed that these eco-friendly conservatives were car-pooling to their fellow tree-hugging monarchist’s funeral. To think otherwise would be the same as considering a reality show host for the Presidency.
We can’t let these miniature Hitlers run amok in our country. The only responsible think for us progressives to advocate for is complete eradication of all dissident voices. Without the eternal drone of clown-loving traditionalists, maybe we can finally move forward with the liberalization of all peoples to fairly work for the elite.
This election, say “no” to clowns; rage against the alt-right. Vote for us. Vote for you.
**I made no joke about Hillary Clinton because I have a laser dancing around my forehead and don’t want to die just yet.
(featured image source: https://www.reddit.com/r/Art/comments/4pbvk5/two_clowns_in_the_same_circus_16_x_12s_oil_on/)
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